Friendship (a Sermon)

How to Be a Good Friend


In literature one of the most powerful pictures of friendship is Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings. He helps his friend Frodo Baggins through some difficult adventures on their way to destroying the ring representing the power of evil. Here is a scene where Frodo is at the end of his strength.

Scene 233.42-236.13 The Last Battle

There are times when friendships are essential for life.

Our lives get so busy sometimes we forget to remember the really essential things in life. One of those essentials is friends. Consider this quote:

"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair."- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.

Let’s look at the value of friendship.
Introduction: Value of Friendship

God has designed life to be a place where we need friends, rather than gutting life out on our own.

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. "Eccl 4:9,10

Jesus sent his disciples out two-by-two for mutual strength.
Study: At a University a study was done to see how people stand up for something they believe. A class of 250 people. All but one person was in on the study. The professor said things that were obviously not true. The one student tried to say something, but all other students went with the professor. The person gave up quickly.
A second experiment was done. This time 2 students were not in on it. They stood up to the professor and the rest of the class and did not back down the way the lone person had done.

I am bolder when I have company. So, what is necessary in a friendship?

I. Elements necessary for Friendship

A. Friends need a Common Mindset

A friend usually shares your view of the world.

When I was sharing about this talk with a friend. She said that in her bad times she had this saying. “A good friend will stop you from drinking. A great friend will be sitting in the cell next you you saying, “Wasn’t that a blast?”

The apostle John had a higher view of friendship-- to help each other walk in truth. He said:

3 John 2-4 2 Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3 It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth. 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
NIV

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."- George Washington (1732 - 1799) US Statesman.

B. Friends draw out the best in each other

Jesus was amazing. He could see the potential in people. He was always encouraging people to grow to their best. The first time he met Peter, he saw the potential of this bragging, headstrong fisherman. Andrew introduced Peter to Jesus.

John 1:42
42 He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him, and said, "You are Simon the son of John; you shall be called Cephas" (which is translated Peter a rock). NASB

When Jesus saw the faith of some friends who brought a paralyzed man to Jesus, Jesus was moved by the man and his friends.

Luke 5:20
20 When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." NIV
Friendship inspires change!

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being." -Goethe

C. Friends keep Confidences

Trust is a really big thing in friendships. There can be no friendship without trust. One thing that promotes trust is the ability to keep secrets. I am not talking about unhealthy secrets, like abuse, but ordinary secrets between friends.

High school students are famous for pulling a secret out of you and then blabbing it all over school. It is devastating when trust is broken in this way.

Solomon the wisest man in the world had some great advice for healthy friendships. Several of these Proverbs dealt with keeping secrets.

Prov 11:12-13
12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor,
but a man of understanding holds his tongue.
13 A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. NIV

Prov 12:23
23 A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself,
but the heart of fools blurts out folly. NIV

So, what are the….
II. Choices One Makes to Be a Good Friend

A. Friendship requires Effort
One of the most famous friendships in history is the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible. Jonathan saw the kind of man David was when he killed the giant Goliath. His friendship was tested when Jonathan’s dad decided he wanted David killed out of jealousy.
1 Sam 19:1-3 19 Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan was very fond of David 2 and warned him, "My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. 3 I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I'll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out." NIV

George Washington, another military man understood the power of a tested friend. The word “friend” for him had high value.
"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."- George Washington, (as above)

Another choice we make to be a friend is
B. Be Alert to the Needs of my Friend

We can get so busy in our lives that we can loose track of our friend’s needs.

3 John 5-7
5 Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you. 6 They have told the church about your love. You will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. NIV
Walter Winchell said:
"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" -Walter Winchell
Kathy from our previous church was always there when things were the toughest. It was a gifting.

Another choice I make to be a good friend is to be:
C. Willing to Speak Truth to my Friend


One of the hardest, but most important things I can do as a friend is challenge my friend when I see them going in a wrong direction.

Prov 27:6
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
NIV

Treasure someone who is willing to lovingly correct you.

Prov 27:9
9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
NIV

"The best mirror is an old friend." - George Herbert

A true friend will appreciate your input. As a friend I must not only give good advice but be willing to receive good advice.

Prov 9:8-9
8 Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you;
rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
9 Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
NIV

Another choice I make to be a good friend is to:
D. Seek Friends of Character

Prov 1:10,11,18

10 My son, if sinners entice you,
do not give in to them.
11 If they say, "Come along with us;
let's lie in wait for someone's blood,
let's waylay some harmless soul;……
18 These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they waylay only themselves!
NIV

Prov 18:24 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
NIV

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.

As I thought of friendship I thought about friendship with God.
III. God as a Friend

Just as in human relationships
A. We have to take time to be God’s friend: Moses

Moses made the effort to connect regularly with God.

Ex 33:10-11
10 Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. 11 The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.
NIV

What an awesome thing to be considered by the God of creation to be his friend.
To truly be God’s friend we have to love what he loves. Our hearts have to really respond to his passions.

As God’s friend:
B. I am Part of God’s Personal Conversation

God the Holy Spirit prays for us.

Rom 8:26-28 26 And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
NASB

Christ’s advocates for us to the Father.

1 John 2:1-2
2 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense — Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
NIV

Jesus regularly brings us up in conversation with the Father.

Heb 7:25
25 Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.
NIV

Jesus showed friends:
C. Faithfulness right to the End


Jesus was amazing how long he held in there with Judas. Judas will be judged by God for betraying Jesus. But Jesus never gave up on him right to the end, until Judas drew his last breath. This gives me hope that Jesus will patiently hang in there with me.

Matt 26:47-51
47 While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. 48 Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him." 49 Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him.

50 Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."
Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him.
NIV

"Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still likes you." - Elbert Hubard
Jesus gave the ultimate in friendship

C. He has Given His All

Jesus made the effort to become our friend. He came to a hostile world in order that we would have the opportunity to have us as a friend.

John 1:14
14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
NIV

John 3:16-18 16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
NIV

My logical response to this kind of love is to desire God’s friendship. If you are searching for God, be sure to chat with any of us here about how to get to know God as a friend.

I encourage you to also make the effort to be a good friend. It will pay you rich dividends.